Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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