Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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