my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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