wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
