mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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