This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
