She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
