I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
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