i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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