I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
