Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
