my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
