On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
