She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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