I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
