I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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