too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
