I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
