just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
