Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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