I hope mine doesn't look like that
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
