What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
