Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
