Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
