Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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