his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
