sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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