around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
