i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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