Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
