Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I will be naked everywhere
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
