What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
