Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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