Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
