if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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