I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
