Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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