He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
