i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
