you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
