Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
