I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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