Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
