Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
