my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
