i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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