I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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