dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
