The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
