i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm really busy with my period
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