you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
