Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
