it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
