it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
