she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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