great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
