worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
