My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i drank out of a bidet.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
