cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
