Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
