No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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