It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
