I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
