Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
