So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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