She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize