I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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