When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize