I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
