Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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