Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
