Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm both gender and math confused
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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