They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
