We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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