I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
